“Pastry, anyone…?”

Picture the scene: I am tidying the kitchen after my trip to the shops for pastries. Ethan is doing some last minute tidying in the lounge and getting the prospective children’s bedroom just right. We’re on track for Louise’s (our new PACT social worker now that we’re past panel) 10.15am arrival when the doorbell goes. Our Linking Meeting is due to start at 10.30am.

It’s 10.10am and I head downstairs ready to meet Louise  for our pre-meeting chat.

Guess what? It’s not Louise, it’s Maureen, the family finder for the Local Authority who are looking after Cooper (18 months) and Kit (6 months) TWENTY MINUTES EARLY.
Cue a mild panic from myself as I stand in shock staring at her.
“Oh, hi!!! We weren’t expecting you! I mean… Obviously we were expecting you just not at this time…. COME IN!”

We settled Maureen in the lounge as Ethan and I buzzed around making preparations in order to avoid the awkwardness. Five minutes later Louise arrived so we all went in to the lounge to sit together & make small talk (we couldn’t start the PROPER conversation until the boy’s social worker, Billie, arrived). I couldn’t cope with the unspoken elephant in the room, so when I wasn’t being careful to prove our ‘togetherness’ and mirror Ethan’s body language, I was getting up and readjusting the oven temperature for the pastries just in order to leave the room.

Twenty or so minutes later, Billie arrived and we could FINALLY get started with the tour of our place. Although I was desperate to get the frickin’ pastries distributed, Ethan urged me to wait for the conclusion of the tour (all of my anxiety was channelled into the pastry items).

The tour went well, they loved the chickens and after sitting back down in the lounge with pastries divvied out (phew), we were ready to begin. We had been informed, before the meeting, that we were one of two couples that the LA were considering, so the first question Louise asked on our behalf was about the ‘competition’, when they were seeing them, what the timelines were etc BUT, guess what?! They were no longer part of the running! We were the only couple they had scheduled to see: the relief!

With this out of the way, Billie suggested we start with our questions, which was easy as we had a lot to ask: the boys’ current level of development, any current medical/developmental concerns, current & historic contact with birth parents, sleep routines, how often the social worker is visiting now and historically, their personalities, where they are sleeping… I could go on.

They answered every question in great detail but the best bit was not only had the family finder brought along some more photos of the boys but she had taken a VIDEO ON HER PHONE!! We got to see Cooper’s personality in full force. Him smiling and giggling and dancing and running around the room in that insanely cute ‘I’m-a-toddler-so-I-look-like-I’m-always-about-to-fall-on-my-arse’ fashion.

And in that moment all my concerns about feeling drawn to the boys, about a lack of development or personality, melted away. I felt sure, along with the reassuring answers to our questions, that these could be our boys. I didn’t fall in love, but I definitely developed a crush, and, more importantly, I didn’t feel worried about waiting for anyone else. For better or worse, we could take these boys on – Cooper and Kit could complete our family.

It was then their turn to ask us questions. I wonder if you can guess what they opened with?! Inevitably they had some questions on Ethan’s mental health, which is appropriate, which we expected and which he answered with aplomb. What was clear, though, was that Maureen had REALLY looked at our PAR in detail: she also asked me about my difficult relationship with my mum and knew who I was talking about when I mentioned Bette as a restorative figure in my life.

Next came the obvious question: ‘Why do you want these boys?’ which we were obviously able to answer with ease; especially Ethan, who felt that instant connection to them. We talked about that, about how well we will be able to meet their cultural and identity needs, about our own musical backgrounds and our desire to help give them a family and change their outcomes. We also talked at length about how much thought we’d put into having two children and whether it was for us. I made a joke about how getting two would mean we never have to see another social worker again. They laughed (perhaps too hard) but perhaps in future I should save my jokes for Ethan…..

Anyway, at the end of all of these questions they thanked us for our honesty and openness and, whilst Billie was in the toilets, Maureen dropped ‘I’m sure you’ll meet their foster carer’ into conversation AND let us keep hard copies of the photos. We took this as a great sign! So when the time came to say goodbye, Ethan, Louise and myself all felt very positive. They said they would let us know in two days: by Friday 9th June.

Well it’s now Sunday so you’re probably all wondering what happened….

At around lunchtime on Friday I got a phonemail to tell me that THEY SAID YES.

Of course we have a meeting with the foster carer, the medical advisor and the matching panel still to go but, all things being well WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TWO BOYS!



Cooper and Kit. Our two children. Our two soon-to-be sons.

We’re excited. We’re terrified. And this is only the very start.

It may have taken two years and lots of strife and heartache to get here, but, in reality, our journey is just beginning.

Parenthood…Here we come!

35 thoughts on ““Pastry, anyone…?”

  • So happy for you!! Fingers crossed everything goes well and you get your two lovely boys they’d be lucky to have you both. Xxx

  • So pleased to hear this news after following your blog from the beginning. What a journey you have been on. Hopefully the end is very very near xxxxx

  • HOOOOOOORAY!!! What wonderful wonderful news! I’m so happy for you both. They’re such little ones they’ll settle so quickly and you’ll be a ready-made family, just amazing xxx

  • I cannot express how totally happy I am for you both, and of course, your boys. They will be the most fortunate children. How proud they will be to call you both, their parents.

  • So pleased that this long journey has such a happy ending. Lots of good luck for the next stages and getting to know your boys.

  • This is beautiful news so happy for you both I’m sure you will give these 2 lucky little boys the most caring and giving home. I look forward to keeping up to date with your blogs! Congratulations!

  • Huge Congratulations guys! Over the moon for you both,they will be two very lucky boys to have you. Can’t wait to hear how they rest of your story goes. X

  • This is wonderful news I have been reading your blog for a while and I am so happy for you guys as I know what a struggle it has been! Congratulations!

  • I can’t put into words how thrilled I am for you guys. This has made my day!! Massive Congratulations to you both and all the love in the world Xx

  • Oh my goodness. My heart could burst. I’m so pleased for you and the boys. Love love love. P.s totally crying with joy! Xxx

  • Wow what a journey and now a truly wonderful outcome!! Very excited for you both!! A real lesson in patience too. Best of luck, I am sure you will both be brilliant!!

  • Those boys are lucky to have you as parents and will get the great start and suppport in life that they need. Only question is – where will they stay when I come to visit?

  • This is such wonderful news! As I am waiting for the imminent arrival of our baby girl I am so pleased you will have the opportunity to prove yourselves as amazing parents! Can’t wait to see the start of this new chapter. All my love. Rob X

  • You didn’t tell me about the pastries!! I feel fully clued in now! We couldn’t be more thrilled for you guys, Cooper and Kit. Disney 2022 here we all come!! xxxx

  • This is the mist wonderful story – you’re right, your real journey is just beginning. May you all have happiness always.
    Kris x

  • I’ve been following your updates and am SO SO pleased for you both! Welcome to the greatest adventure! Be prepared for masses of ups but also more than your fair share of downs, but you will be amazing and what very lucky boys.
    With our love
    Caroline Stephan and Tahlia (Ford) xxx

  • That is really great news. Well done for sticking at it and now the real hard work/fun will begin! Keep it up! 🙂 John x

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