Panning for Gold

When we started the adoption process I thought it might be a good idea to start a blog. In particular, I thought Ethan would be enthusiastic about the idea and that the blog would be a little project we (he) could take on.

If only I’d known that I was making a rod for my own back.

I know adoption is a tough process and I imagine every potential adopter going through it finds it incredibly frustrating and irksome. Imagine, then, not only travailing this terribly arduous and emotionally draining journey but having to write down, in detail, every single pitfall, every minor setback, every moment of fury. It’ like having to do the whole thing twice, reliving every thankless second.

Moreover, Ethan is very keen that the blog is equal, so even when I cannot think of anything worse than writing a post about our lack of progress, Ethan asks me, repeatedly, to write one: “People need to hear from you.”, he says.

My challenge, having not really made any tangible progress since the last time I wrote, is to try and express something positive, not pen a relentlessly negative post. So now I’ll sift through the contents of the last few weeks and find a few nuggets of positivity to share with you.

Here goes.

We had our second two days of Adoption Prep. We rejoined the same couple as Day 1 & 2 to talk more about children in the care system and what we will need if we’re going to care for them. We thought about loss from a the perspective of a child who has been removed from/relinquished by their parents, we thought about the sorts of behaviours this child may exhibit and how we might manage those, as well as issues around identity.

Also, Ethan’s DBS finally came through (I collected it from our old flat today, as a matter of fact), a mere 130 days since they received the application, which means we’re now only waiting for one more item before we can progress to stage 2: the sign off from the agency medical advisor regarding Ethan’s mental health.

On Thursday, we hosted an event through NewFamilySocial at a local gay bar and met two really nice guys, Steve and Andre, who are at the very beginning of their adoption journey. It was nice to feel like we could offer some support and advice and that we actually had some knowledge to impart to these adoption-newbies. Besides, meeting some people who appear to be genuinely interested in making new relationships is just what the doctor ordered after the disappointment of Robert and Greg, who we haven’t heard from since we had that wonderful afternoon wth them and their two boys back in September.

Ideally, some more of the 6 households who said they were attending would have actually shown up on Thursday. No such luck! Perhaps, like Facebook, people think an online RSVP isn’t an actual commitment. Hey ho, never mind! See how positive I’m being!

So, stuff has been happening for sure, but we’re not yet able to write that much-anticipated post that says ‘We’re on to Stage Two!’, which is a shame. Hopefully we can before Christmas, but I’m not holding my breath.

In the mean time, we just keep going; trying to keep positive, trying to keep moving Trudy, Caroline and the agency along, trying, for each other to stay buoyant and hoping that good news is lurking, just around the river bend!


2 thoughts on “Panning for Gold

  • Like reading your blogs–although really don’t like the way things are dragging on and on for you–so frustrating. And things are supposed to be getting quicker. We shared your despair at the world of social workers, but that was more than 3 years ago and I was hoping things had moved on but it seems not. All I can say is there were so many times that we felt like giving up, but 3 years into life with our amazing daughter we’re so glad we didn’t. If we can encourage you in any way to hang in there we’d love to
    Caroline and Stephan

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